When the realization of ALL OF THIS HIT ME, I decided that the days of me being a doormat were over. I’d found my voice and intended to use it. Sadly, I learned that quite often, when we confront evil, we will face even more of it. I had a conversation with my parents, informing them that I’d be confronting my abuser and demanding he take responsibility for his abuse and help me. They claimed – after a lifetime of doing nothing to help their own daughter in this situation or EVER confront my abuser- that they supported my plan. My attempt at a conversation with my abuser failed miserably. He laughed most of the time and actually said things like “well I used to sleepwalk a lot” and “I just don’t have the same recollection as you do”– but would never outright deny anything. I recall directly asking him “Are you suggesting I’m lying?” and he responded “No, I’d never call you a liar.” I said, “Well the things I’m discussing with you are overwhelmingly serious– if someone accused ME of the things I’ve accused you of, I’d be adamantly DENYING IT and getting very ANGRY- yet you’ve never denied this and you simply skate around the issue and say YOU DON’T REMEMBER?” — at that point he made every effort to terminate our conversation. Of course.

I’d already had a lifetime of lying for my abuser and living in a dysfunctional family with parents who never cared enough about my pain and suffering to offer their assistance. Although my confidential confrontation with my abuser went nowhere and my appeals to his humanity fell on deaf ears, I was not going to give up. I’d lost over 2 years of income and spent months and months in agonizing pain and suffering. The physical, mental, and emotional pain I’d experienced, not to mention the impact that a loss of income had had on our household– it was too much. None of this was my fault, and all I’d asked of my abuser was that he do the right thing- -take responsibility and help me with my medical expenses and lost income.

I retained a lawyer to pursue the matter further, since my efforts privately did nothing. Working with a lawyer meant I had to go through in-depth interviews about my childhood abuse, all while going through weekly therapy sessions to address my CPTSD. This was all extremely taxing on my body and mind and caused many migraines but I persevered because I was determined to hold my abuser accountable. Unfortunately, after 5 months, we discovered that we’d missed the statute of limitations to litigate in that state by a few weeks. My abuser’s attorney sent me a vile letter calling me a liar, a gold digger, an opportunist, and worse (I chose not to read it, but my husband has summarized it for me) . On the other hand, he said if I retracted EVERYTHING, my abuser would consider loaning me money if I could prove that I really needed it.